Reflections on 17 Years of Homeschooling
“Always, we begin again.” Saint Benedict
It is back to school season, and our social media is flooded with all of the precious “first day” photos. We join in the fun and take photos on the porch with our current grade signs every year. I don’t know that my children have ever really wanted to do those photos, but they did it for their sentimental mama and over the years became faster at holding the sign, smiling, and getting it over with! And at each child’s graduation the centerpiece of our table is a framed collection of all of those photos.
One thing I started doing many years ago was having them snap a photo of me on the porch too. I am definitely growing and learning through this homeschool journey, and it is good for me to reflect on these photos and remember each season.
This year we have one university graduate, one university sophomore studying abroad in France, one high school senior, one high school freshman, and last but not least, one fourth grader. It was a busy summer of helping with an out of state move, paperwork and visa applications and interviews, college application preparation, transitioning to high school, and planning another grammar school year, but in all of the busyness, I spent a lot of time reflecting. I want to share some of the highlights of what I have learned over the past 17 years. This is definitely not an exhaustive list, but I hope it encourages you and helps as you “begin again” whatever season you are in in your own journey.
Relationships
After all of these years of homeschooling, I will say that the most important aspect of homeschooling is the relationships. No math problem, paper to write, or college acceptance is more important than our relationships with our children. Over time the academics will come, but we need to remember in the midst of lessons, activities, meal planning and preparing, disagreements, and deadlines that intentionally caring for the heart of our children and cultivating those relationships is truly one of the most meaningful things we will do. I have learned (the hard way a lot of the time!) that listening to their thoughts and feelings, respecting their opinions and preferences, and making time for one on one moments together builds the connections of love and trust. And it is not only our relationship with our children that is cultivated, but also their relationships with each other. Yes there are disagreements and seasons of growing pains, but our children can become each other’s best friends. When the homeschooling days are memories in a photo book, my desire is for my children to know that home is a place of love, a safe refuge from a crazy world, and a place where can they can freely share their life and feel valued. And the foundation for making those hopes a reality is a relationship built over time.
Individuals
Learning that each of your children is an individual sounds simple, but the intricacies with how that plays out in your day to day and year to year makes it much more difficult. When you teach your first child to read and then it is time for your second child to learn, he or she may not learn in the same way or the same timeframe. Studying your children and learning their personality, style of learning, gifts and struggles takes time. It can be natural to compare them and expect things to happen similarly. When they don’t, you can feel defeated. It truly is amazing how all five of our children are so different. Communicating the gift of each unique child through our words and ways of teaching and relating to them shows them that it is not only okay to be different, but that we love the different way God made each of them. Practically this can look like different math curriculum for different children, different co-ops or group classes, or more hands on learning for one. One of the gifts of homeschooling is there is no box to fit in, no cookie cutter mold to apply, so enjoy each unique child. In the challenges and the victories, know that God made this child and chose you to be the mama to love them.
Room for Change
Realizing that one school year doesn’t have to look like the previous or that even one month or day doesn’t have to be the same as the one before is an important lesson. And what one grade looked like for one child may be totally different than how it looks for another. This correlates with the importance of seeing them as individuals, but is also a reflection of how you learn and grow from mistakes and successes as homeschool mom too. Changes can be due to the simple fact that your circumstances are different than they were before or the first time around. Practically this can look like one year you may be involved in a co-op and another year you decide to do academic work only at home. Maybe you start the year with a particular grammar or science book and it is not working for you, giving yourself the freedom to change without feeling guilty or feeling like a failure is so important. Several times we had a new baby at the start or in the midst of our school year, so we took time off to rest and enjoy the newborn season. In the early years I definitely lived with more guilt than I should have. I had expectations for myself and felt expectations from others whether they were reality or not. But as I spend time reflecting now and seeing how much change is necessary over the years, giving yourself grace and room for change brings more peace and contentment.
Rule of Life
As a homeschool mom, it is easy to put most of your time and energy into planning for the school year and each day, implementing your plans, and going through the struggles, joys, and sometimes chaos of children with you all of the time. But one of the things that has formed and helped me the most is working through and carrying out the practice of a “Rule of Life.” We are not only homeschool moms, we are unique individuals created by God to be a full human with many dimensions. The season of life with young children is a sacrificial time, and that is a beautiful thing. It can be easy though to neglect the other aspects of your life. And it can feel overwhelming to think about incorporating “self care” into your already full days. The danger comes when we go year after year without tending to our whole self that we can become depleted, feel unappreciated, have stagnant spiritual growth, and sense bitterness rising. Establishing your own rule of life can restore a healthy rhythm of caring for yourself and others and help you live and thrive as a whole person. Having these weekly examens where I set aside time to reflect and reset has also helped tremendously as my children have grown and gone off to college and subsequent adult life. My identity is not only being their mom so I am not left feeling empty as they leave the nest. (Which is another important side lesson I’ve learned…it’s not all about me. My children’s lives are their lives. They are not learning and living to please me or to bring me accolades. Their grades, accomplishments, and even failures are not mine. I can help them through it all, but it is still their life.) Being faithful in the little things over time leads to depth and growth that can’t happen overnight. The weekly and seasonal reminder through my Rule of Life of who I believe God is calling me to be and the resetting of my heart and mind toward these things has developed a foundational stability through the ever-changing seasons.
Like I said before, these are not a complete list of what I have learned. I believe those lessons will continue to come through reflecting on the past, living, learning, and growing in the present, and hoping for the future. And I look forward to sharing those with you in the months and years to come.
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